Wednesday, December 27, 2006

polar bear

The polar bear is being proposed as an endangered species as a result of global warming.

Washington Post article.

final post of 2006

I'm about to pack my bags for my journey. I have a real nervous feeling about going away. I thought I'd never say this, but I'm starting to feel like I don't want to go away for so long anymore. I've had so much instability lately that I really wish I had something that wasn't here today gone tomorrow. It would be much more exciting to embark on a new adventure in life, exploring a world that is unknown to me, yet that I don't have to travel halfway around the globe to discover. I'd also really like to feel safe again, and at home again, and in my own space again. Shacking up with mom is great and all, and has allowed me to save money for travel and save in general. In fact, staying here has been quite enjoyable. I've had a chance to spend time with my mom in a way that most people my age never get to experience. We've spent some real quality time day in day out. On top of that, I give her props for putting up with my messy room.

I saw the tall Dutchman last night. He was very cool. I think he knows that I'm going off to have fun, and that I'll most likely be having fun with other men, so he didn't even attempt to ask me to be exclusive. He surprises me by being very cool every time I see him. I really enjoy spending time with him, and I wish I could have met him earlier or later, just not right before I leave, which leaves me feeling a bit confused.

There was a crazy winter storm last night, so the water level in the creek has risen considerably. It's as if the day that I leave the current also picks up. Unless I specifically make time today, I won't get to see the salmon running this year. Out back, the water is a muddy brown, so I'm not sure if I would even be able to see them clearly.

Monday, December 25, 2006

on the threshold

I have 3 days left until I'm on a plane bound for Miami, then Panama, and 4 days left before I see Alexei again. As I sit here in the Lower Haight, gazing at the morning fog hovering over the San Francisco skyline, I imagine myself in a matter of days in a foreign land, interacting with a foreign man whom I haven't seen in a year. How will I feel? How will he feel? Will we shoot the shit about music and films and books, or will we try to figure out if we have a future together? Just a few more days and I'll soon be gazing over a different skyline, contemplating more questions, probably with a cervezita in hand and looking onto El Capitolio or El Morro as the sun sets into the Caribbean Sea.

Julie C. and I were talking about relationships the other day. A few years ago, she was with a great guy, but for some reason she was stalling. Something was holding her back from making the plunge with him. Then James came along and she knew he was the one. She said, "I know it sounds cliche, but it's the truth. You just know."

I saw M.W. on Friday night. I was walking to the bus and deliberately went out of my way to pass by the Dog. He was walking out the door to smoke a ciggie as I peeked my head in. It was precisely where I ran into him in the first place about a year ago. We exchanged a few meaningless words, and then I ran to catch my bus. I was left with an empty feeling after our visit, because it was an empty exchange.

Two nights ago, the tall Dutchman invited me to see Dave Chappelle at the Punchline. Or should I say two mornings ago, because the midnight show didn't start until 2:30 and didn't finish until 5:30... I am embarrassed to say that I may be the only person in history to fall asleep during a Chappelle show. But you can't blame me, I've been sick with a nasty cough lately, and the cat has been crawling all over my head every night. Even in my semi-conscious state with my eyes closed and my head resting on my date's shoulder, Chappelle's jokes wandered in and out of my brain, and I appreciated his genius delivery, but I must say that in the future, unless it's the Stones, I won't be attending 2 am shows.

Jeffrey Daumer is just a gay Gargamel. Enough said.


My friend Erin sent me this message yesterday:

My Dad wrote this and I sent it to you now. with love, erin

Yesterday morning, our friend and the first born daughter of Ken Wipff and Mary Rodel, Kristin Marya Wipff succumbed to her illness after a year and a half battle. When she was first diagnosed, we agreed to face her condition with grace, courage and love. She achieved this goal in full measure. During the time of her illness she was cared for especially by her sister, Erin Wipff, her mother, father, her brother Willey and loving friends. While the cycle of Kristin's life is complete we will continue to honor her in our he arts and admire her strength. Throughout her illness she taught her family and friends important lessons in love , humility and courage. She asked that those who would remember her please do so in a donation to an ASPCA and with love for her memory and each other.

I saw Kristin a couple times this year. Once at a party I hosted this summer at Chantal's house. That was the first time I saw her since high school. She looked fine and seemed in good spirits. The next time I saw her was at the farmers' market, soon after she had a tumor on her brain removed. I am posting a picture of Kristin that I took at the party I gave, with a prettier backdrop. Kristin is in my heart this Christmas, as is Erin and her family. I hope they have all found peace.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

extreme weather

I just heard that there was a severe windstorm in Vancouver that knocked down over 1000 trees in Stanley Park. Yikes! And that storm rode in on the coattails of record rainfall and flooding in November, which apparently caused the water to be undrinkable. Indeed the weather is changing, and we can't ignore the fact that global warming has something to do with it. I know I sound like a broken record, but if our government continues to treat global warming as a hoax or something that is beyond our control, the situation will only get worse. In fact, there are already many things that we as individuals can do about it. David Suzuki has asked Canadians to join the Nature Challenge in order to counter the effects of global warming one person at a time. Americans can follow his lead, and do the same. Leave the Hummer at home, and ride a bike once a week! Or walk! Our country leads the globe in greenhouse gas emissions. It's time we become leaders in cutting our emissions.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

my elfamorphis

Check it out before I turn back into a human!


Just had Christmas dinner with Monique, Jeanine, Tony and my mom. Monique and I decided that we're going to start wishing people a blessed pagan druid winter solstice festival. Maybe I should druidize myself.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

magical realism

I just saw a film with Sultan called Pan's Labyrinth. It was about a mother and daughter living in Spain under Franco. The mother was pregnant with a military captain's baby, and she brought her daughter to live at the military compound with him. He was a tyrant and had no reedemable characteristics. The daughter dealt with her unhappy and depressing living conditions by diving into a world of fantasy and magic with fairies and fauns and magical spells. It was a beautiful film, however, it was neither a children's film, nor a film about the war itself. There was too much on-screen violence for children to be able to sit through it without having major nightmares. Some of the characters, especially the captain, were kind of flat. He was just too cruel and cold-hearted to be believable. Anyway, Bond still rules as the best film I've seen this season.

And speaking of Bond, my old neighbor Kathy Evans agrees with me. She also finds Daniel Craig to be the most enjoyable Bond character in years (especially sans tuxedo). I ran into her after the movie was over. I haven't seen her in several years. She was with her daughter Allie, whom I haven't seen since I was in high school and she was still a little kid! It was great to run into them. I love randomly seeing people I know in the street. It makes me feel like I really belong here. And more often than not, the random run-ins prove to be more serendipitous than coincidental.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

travels/journeys pt. 2

I just read this description from the NRDC website of one woman's journey to the Tongass National Forest in Alaska. I would very much like to see the glaciers and the icebergs up north. I've seen--no--I've walked on glaciers before in North America and Europe. But back then, I had no idea that these natural wonders were in danger of disappearing. I wonder if the glaciers I encountered in Montana and in France are still there, or if they have melted away significantly.

I just got an e-mail from M. Didn't think I would ever hear from him again. He invited me to his birthday party. I know it was just a formality, and that he really didn't expect me to come, but the invitation simply means that he is thinking of me, and hasn't forgotten. So this was his way of reaching out after a few months of silence. I must say that being in communication with him again, even through a mere e-mail, has brought the feelings I've tried to bury to the surface, which tells me clearly that I'm not ready to see him yet.

The tall dutchman in Sweden has been flirting with me via e-mail, which is cute. Somehow it seems ironic that we are being prevented from spending a lot of time together before I leave. Maybe it's because I need to resolve myself with Alexei first, instead of complicating the situation by entertaining other options.

Now I need to pack my bags to journey across the Golden Gate for my housesitting gig with Squelly the kitty.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006


Only 16 days left until my big two-month aventura. I'm a little nervous once again to spend so much time with Alexei, but I am open to some much needed soul-searching, some time off, some warm weather and mojitos. Of course, part of me wishes to be able to visit Sheila in Barcelona, but perhaps I'll get to visit her next year, especially when my dad is renting the villa in Valencia for a month. What I really want is to free myself from worries and decisions, and at the same time resolve them, and of course I can't do that by running away from Alexei. Better to face the fears and search for truths, all the while enjoying the experience of being with him again.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

la ti dah

I just returned from a weekend in LA. Although there are many nice things about LA, I must admit that I am thrilled to never have to call that place home ever again! I love my friends down there, but like Woody Allen's character in Annie Hall, I suffer from chronic L.A. nausea. So try as I may to acquire a taste for that city (if you can call vast urban sprawl a city), it leaves a sour taste in my mouth without fail. I'm glad I got fired there. I'm glad I never fell in love there. I'm glad I never felt at home there. Most importantly, I'm glad I didn't die there!!! I feel like I was given a second chance to build my life and enjoy it.

And so, that is precisely what I am doing.

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

a quote from david suzuki

From RealScreen Wildguide: "It is absolutely unbalanced reporting if you have 99% of climatologists saying one thing, and one percent saying the other, and yet journalists present it as a 50/50 proposition."

Herein lies the reason we as media producers have the responsibility to present the truth.

Another great quote from the same issue but by Ivan Hattingh of the Wildscreen Festival: "If you think bugs copulating to Mozart are going to change the attitudes of people to the environment, you're mistaken."

Sunday, December 03, 2006


How do we perceive and judge art? Why does some art have a profound effect on someone and cause another person to simply shrug her shoulders? An artist can never expect to please every onlooker. I guess I'm still processing last night, and because I was one of the "featured artists," I cannot objectively comment on my experience because the whole night was a blur. I was happy to have so many of my friends in the audience: Jessica, Josh, Young, Julie, Jeff, Lilia, Gabriel, Jayson, Estelle, Jon, Sultan and Tanya. And of course Chantal and Noemi were there because Chantal was actually one of the featured artists as well since she filmed the piece (and might I continue to add that the filming she did was beautiful). Anyway, I was a little out of my mind with anxiety, and I can't honestly say that I even remember seeing anything while our piece was on. I just kept hoping that people liked it and that it had a positive impact on them and that it was memorable (in a good way, and not in a torturous way). I appreciated meeting KT Nelson of ODC Dance Company right before the show, and it was special to me that I got to sit next to her and watch her reactions as the images flickered away on the 10 screens that surrounded us. After our screening was over, she reached over and congratulated me and I was happy to see that she was pleased with our work. I felt relieved because I feared that she might hate it. And not only that, my friends enjoyed it too, with the exception of Chantal, who thought there should be more images of the dancers and less water, but other people thought otherwise (most notably Linda Bouchard, who hired me). So the moral of the story is that you can't please everyone.

Speaking of pleasing artistic experiences, I just saw the latest James Bond film, Casino Royale. This is by far the best movie I've seen this season. It was a truly enjoyable film through and through, lots of action and quite thrilling indeed. Especially the scenes where Daniel Craig showed off his pectoral muscles. But seriously... this 007 film showed a side of Bond that was more human and fallible. Also the Bond girl was much more well-rounded, and I don't mean curvaceous. She was smart and deep and strong and had motives other than sex. Furthermore, the film portrayed the life of a secret agent to be a dangerous game, rather than a walk in the park as in former Bond pics. Instead of dusting off his tux, this James Bond got bloody and scratched up, almost died and even had his heart broken. In the vein of the new Batman, this pic was part psycho-drama and part action/adventure and part love story.

Much better than Borat. Borat bad. Bond good.

Friday, December 01, 2006

being green

Some of you know that Suta and I volunteered at the Green Festival in San Francisco this year. It was total madness, a little overwhelming, but inspiring nonetheless. One of the speakers I wanted to see was scientist David Suzuki, also a leader in the environmentalist movement from British Columbia. I just found this link to his speech at the San Francisco Green Festival. I suggest watching the whole thing:

David Suzuki's speech

I am re-inspired after watching this clip!