Monday, March 12, 2007

what is love, anyway?

I just returned from a night out with the tall dutchman. I must admit he is a very sweet guy. He is very polite, well usually polite (except for when he drinks and talks politics). He likes to treat me to dinner. He always acts interested in what I have to say. I should for all intents and purposes be interested in him. And to some degree I am. But what does he have to bring to my table?

He is well-educated and well-traveled. We have similar tastes in music. He likes to go out and do things after work. He can cook and obviously can take care of himself.

But when I compare him to Alexei (which of course I shouldn't, but I can't help it), I realize he hasn't taught me anything about myself and the lessons I need to learn in regards to relationships. He hasn't made me feel that heavy feeling. I could go to some amazing place with the dutchman, like scubadiving or sailing, but it wouldn't bring anything new to my table. With Alexei, even though we end up in strange places, like going to that Cuban campsite, I feel like the experience builds character. I feel like he teaches me trust. He teaches me patience, understanding and compassion. And above all, unconditional love. I feel like if I ever lost Alexei's love, it would be an immense tragedy.

Am I shortchanging everyone involved here? Should I call it quits with the dutchman? Not yet... nothing serious has culminated between us. He needs to clean his house, and I mean literally. That is the reason he has not invited me over yet, and I have known him since October 2006. So far it has only been about going out at night to have some fun, play pool, chit chat, and kiss a little bit, but nothing more than that, and so until it becomes more serious, I will not feel in the least bit guilty or feel like I need to explain myself.

1 comment:

zen jen said...

Hmmm, has he cleaned his apartment yet or is this post so "early last month"? Based on today's entry (3/30), perhaps. But, regardless, you may enjoy this article in the NYTimes It's Not You, It's Your Apartment xoxo jenken