Jan 29, 2007

I arrived in Panama last night. I feel like I´m in a twilight zone here because it´s much more of a modern latin american city versus the decaying city that is stuck in a timewarp that is Havana. I have yet to visit the more charming neighborhoods here. I´ve just been getting my bearings regarding where I´m staying and what´s in the neighborhood. Lots of restaurants, lots of internet cafes, a casino, banks with atms, and all the conveniences that we think are normal, but that really don´t exist in an isolated place like cuba.

it´s funny that the last few days that i was there, i actually started liking havana. it´s very polluted and smelly. everything is inconvenient. there are only a few places to go out, and once you´ve done them, you´ve done them. the food is terrible, with the exception of alexei´s cooking. but the last few days, my eyes saw past the dirty veneer, and there is something really special about a place that is only 90 miles from the US, but feels like it is worlds away. people selling vegetables and flowers from a cart in the street, playing dominoes or chess at a card table at all hours of the day and night, the feral dogs and cats roaming the streets, the old buildings with paint chipping and cement crumbling. Never being bombarded with advertisments encouraging you to buy things that you don´t need. Souped up bicitaxis carting people through the potholed streets. I just wish that things will change there one day for the people, but I hope when things do change, that a lot of things stay the same.

the last night i was there, alexei and i went salsa dancing. the cover is $5 bucks and included three free drinks. bring on the mojitos! when the band finished, we happened upon a small party, where we didn´t know anyone, but were ushered inside nonetheless. there were a bunch of cubanos, espanolas and argentions there, and then me the sole americana. three guys played guitar and we sang a long, drinking cuba libres until about 3 or 4 in the morning. i don´t know at what point it happened, but i ended up getting really drunk, as did alexei. when we finally left, we staggered home trying to navigate through the dark potholed streets, trying to hail a bicitaxi because we were too wasted to walk, much to no avail. the next morning i woke up with a severe hangover, and had to pack my bags and collect my thoughts during my last few hours with alexei.

after a teary goodbye, i was whisked off to the airport. it feels so unfair that i can´t bring him with me. i ran into the argentinos at the airport, and when they saw i had been crying, they wanted to know why. one of them told me that i should be happy that i have someone who loves me in the world. he said he is all alone, and that´s worse. i suppose it is, but the lump in my throat is extremely hard to swallow, and the hole in my heart hard to fill.

And now Panama. there are a lot of cars here. I am scared to cross the street, whereas in Havana, everyone walks in the middle of the street. There are a lot of neon lights. A lot of billboards selling cell phones and such. Shopping malls with all the latest fashions, etc. etc. I have yet to cruise through the more scenic neighborhoods and parks. But will do that later today.