the healing process

Why is it so hard for people to see what's good for them? Why do people keep reopening wounds and refuse to heal? Or rather why do they create new wounds, thereby making the healing process longer and more painful?

I wrote F. a goodbye e-mail yesterday. It hurt me to say goodbye, but I know that our relationship was unhealthy. Heavy drinking can be fun at times, but eventually you pay, either short-term with a hangover, or long-term with liver failure, but eventually you pay. We were drunk with infatuation, but now I've sobered up, and I'm not sure he has. I know neither of us wants to say goodbye, we'd love to keep the fun and the fantasy alive, but someone had to put an end to it, and apparently it had to be me.

I read an article in GQ a couple days ago that said breaking up via email was not proper etiquette, but when we met face-to-face, it was totally unsatisfactory and so I had no other choice. Yes, of course I had other choices, like a phone call or a real letter, but I'm done with that, and I wanted to get this over quickly. I tried to give him the face-to-face meeting, but he didn't have the decency to be mentally or emotionally present for me that afternoon, even when what we needed to say to each other should have been soberly and openly expressed.

So I'm on the road to recovery from him. That's the first step, isn't it? Admitting that you are addicted to something that wasn't good for you, and giving it up. And then taking it day by day. So this is my first day of sobriety.