Wednesday, December 27, 2006
I saw the tall Dutchman last night. He was very cool. I think he knows that I'm going off to have fun, and that I'll most likely be having fun with other men, so he didn't even attempt to ask me to be exclusive. He surprises me by being very cool every time I see him. I really enjoy spending time with him, and I wish I could have met him earlier or later, just not right before I leave, which leaves me feeling a bit confused.
There was a crazy winter storm last night, so the water level in the creek has risen considerably. It's as if the day that I leave the current also picks up. Unless I specifically make time today, I won't get to see the salmon running this year. Out back, the water is a muddy brown, so I'm not sure if I would even be able to see them clearly.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Julie C. and I were talking about relationships the other day. A few years ago, she was with a great guy, but for some reason she was stalling. Something was holding her back from making the plunge with him. Then James came along and she knew he was the one. She said, "I know it sounds cliche, but it's the truth. You just know."
I saw M.W. on Friday night. I was walking to the bus and deliberately went out of my way to pass by the Dog. He was walking out the door to smoke a ciggie as I peeked my head in. It was precisely where I ran into him in the first place about a year ago. We exchanged a few meaningless words, and then I ran to catch my bus. I was left with an empty feeling after our visit, because it was an empty exchange.
Two nights ago, the tall Dutchman invited me to see Dave Chappelle at the Punchline. Or should I say two mornings ago, because the midnight show didn't start until 2:30 and didn't finish until 5:30... I am embarrassed to say that I may be the only person in history to fall asleep during a Chappelle show. But you can't blame me, I've been sick with a nasty cough lately, and the cat has been crawling all over my head every night. Even in my semi-conscious state with my eyes closed and my head resting on my date's shoulder, Chappelle's jokes wandered in and out of my brain, and I appreciated his genius delivery, but I must say that in the future, unless it's the Stones, I won't be attending 2 am shows.
Jeffrey Daumer is just a gay Gargamel. Enough said.
My Dad wrote this and I sent it to you now. with love, erin
Yesterday morning, our friend and the first born daughter of Ken Wipff and Mary Rodel, Kristin Marya Wipff succumbed to her illness after a year and a half battle. When she was first diagnosed, we agreed to face her condition with grace, courage and love. She achieved this goal in full measure. During the time of her illness she was cared for especially by her sister, Erin Wipff, her mother, father, her brother Willey and loving friends. While the cycle of Kristin's life is complete we will continue to honor her in our he arts and admire her strength. Throughout her illness she taught her family and friends important lessons in love , humility and courage. She asked that those who would remember her please do so in a donation to an ASPCA and with love for her memory and each other.
I saw Kristin a couple times this year. Once at a party I hosted this summer at Chantal's house. That was the first time I saw her since high school. She looked fine and seemed in good spirits. The next time I saw her was at the farmers' market, soon after she had a tumor on her brain removed. I am posting a picture of Kristin that I took at the party I gave, with a prettier backdrop. Kristin is in my heart this Christmas, as is Erin and her family. I hope they have all found peace.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Just had Christmas dinner with Monique, Jeanine, Tony and my mom. Monique and I decided that we're going to start wishing people a blessed pagan druid winter solstice festival. Maybe I should druidize myself.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
And speaking of Bond, my old neighbor Kathy Evans agrees with me. She also finds Daniel Craig to be the most enjoyable Bond character in years (especially sans tuxedo). I ran into her after the movie was over. I haven't seen her in several years. She was with her daughter Allie, whom I haven't seen since I was in high school and she was still a little kid! It was great to run into them. I love randomly seeing people I know in the street. It makes me feel like I really belong here. And more often than not, the random run-ins prove to be more serendipitous than coincidental.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
I just got an e-mail from M. Didn't think I would ever hear from him again. He invited me to his birthday party. I know it was just a formality, and that he really didn't expect me to come, but the invitation simply means that he is thinking of me, and hasn't forgotten. So this was his way of reaching out after a few months of silence. I must say that being in communication with him again, even through a mere e-mail, has brought the feelings I've tried to bury to the surface, which tells me clearly that I'm not ready to see him yet.
The tall dutchman in Sweden has been flirting with me via e-mail, which is cute. Somehow it seems ironic that we are being prevented from spending a lot of time together before I leave. Maybe it's because I need to resolve myself with Alexei first, instead of complicating the situation by entertaining other options.
Now I need to pack my bags to journey across the Golden Gate for my housesitting gig with Squelly the kitty.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Sunday, December 10, 2006
And so, that is precisely what I am doing.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Herein lies the reason we as media producers have the responsibility to present the truth.
Another great quote from the same issue but by Ivan Hattingh of the Wildscreen Festival: "If you think bugs copulating to Mozart are going to change the attitudes of people to the environment, you're mistaken."
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Speaking of pleasing artistic experiences, I just saw the latest James Bond film, Casino Royale. This is by far the best movie I've seen this season. It was a truly enjoyable film through and through, lots of action and quite thrilling indeed. Especially the scenes where Daniel Craig showed off his pectoral muscles. But seriously... this 007 film showed a side of Bond that was more human and fallible. Also the Bond girl was much more well-rounded, and I don't mean curvaceous. She was smart and deep and strong and had motives other than sex. Furthermore, the film portrayed the life of a secret agent to be a dangerous game, rather than a walk in the park as in former Bond pics. Instead of dusting off his tux, this James Bond got bloody and scratched up, almost died and even had his heart broken. In the vein of the new Batman, this pic was part psycho-drama and part action/adventure and part love story.
Much better than Borat. Borat bad. Bond good.
Friday, December 01, 2006
David Suzuki's speech
I am re-inspired after watching this clip!
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Here's the definition of recombinant from dictionary.com:
1. of or resulting from new combinations of genetic material: recombinant cells.
2. a cell or organism whose genetic complement results from recombination.
3. the genetic material produced when segments of DNA from different sources are joined to produce recombinant DNA.
[Origin: 1940–45; re- + combine + -ant
I wish I could be more eloquent today, but my brain is nearly fried from all the technological challenges over the last couple days. I'm going to check out Borat tonight.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
What is it going to take? I'm convinced that we need to engender a new race of ecologically conscious youngsters who see conservation and preservation as not just a priority, but the norm for social behavior. And that humans are merely one species that inhabits Planet Earth, and that it is an honor to even be here.
She quotes another scientist who explains that the result of rising levels of CO2 in the oceans will be that most of the organisms in the oceans' food chain will become extinct and we'll be left only with the likes of jellyfish: "... at the end we will have the rise of slime."
SaveDarfur.org has a post called "Materials for Thanksgiving Action" that's worth checking out...
Thanks again for including the people of Darfur in your Thanksgiving celebration. We truly appreciate your help.Below are links to download the two documents you'll need.1. A one page Microsoft Word document that provides a brief overview of the crisis in Darfur. … Read more
Friday, November 17, 2006
My mom likes to watch the Today show every morning (of which I don't necessarily approve since it's not really news, but to each her own). There was a story about women who work, travel for work and have families. And Meredith Veira made the point that men who work, travel for work and have a wife and kids are considered to "have a life," where when women have the same, they are considered to "have it all." I think this is a good point. It is a double standard in our society, that women are still supposed to do one or the other, and men are supposed to "have it all," and it's considered normal for men and abnormal for women. So I retract my earlier statement about Hillary Clinton having it all. Let's just admire her for her having what she wants from her life and consider her a role model for young women and women of all ages.
And I'd also like to recognize my girlfriends for having what they want too. Jen for setting the goal and running her second marathon during her first 2 years of motherhood (would she have had the time for this accomplishment had she been a working mom too? I'm sure she would, but not working surely made it easier!!!) Angela for being positive and healthy and ambitious throughout her second pregnancy, working steadily and maintaining her position during another round of layoffs (all the while feeling like she wanted to barf!), as well as patiently supporting her husband's decision to seek professional happiness. Laura for taking the step to search for personal truths through voice lessons (Vegas, baby Vegas!), all the while having to be the mother and father of her 3 sons while her husband is stationed in Greece for a year. And finally Sujata, who boldly went to seek her own personal truths away from family and partner for two months in Spain, and returned with a renewed sense of self and vision for her future. I am proud to have all of you as friends!!!
I'm going to be working on a new video art piece that I'm super excited about at Recombinant Labs featuring choreography and performance from the ODC dance company. Come one, come all. It should be cool. Check it out:
Monday, November 06, 2006
I think about death a lot, mostly because I am reminded how fragile life is because I see so much road kill out here in West Marin. I know that often animals cross the road when it is not necessarily safe, but I am a little disturbed by the thought that the people driving the cars don't slow down at night when they know that nocturnal animals are out and about. I always see deer, raccoons, foxes and rabbits on the side of the road when I am coming home at night. For this reason, I always drive with more caution than usual. But apparently others don't, and when I drive by these listless bodies of deer whose necks and legs are bent in unnatural ways, I am saddened by the loss of life. I want to contact whoever is responsible for Marin County roads and ask them to put up more deer crossing signs and more streetlights out here to protect the sanctuary for the wildlife that lives out here and roams the roads at night in search of food and water.
My friend Tanya told me that the other day she was hiking on Mt. Tam. She actually was trying to find her ex on the mountain. She knew he was up there, and she knew that she shouldn't try to find him because it was over between them. When all of a sudden, a coyote crossed her path. The coyote looked scraggy and skinny and ugly. She took this coyote as a sign and immediately turned back and walked back to her car.
I rode my bike into the city on Saturday. It was a gorgeous sunny day. When I was in Mill Valley, my hometown, a flock of Canadian geese flew in front of me, right as I passed by my old high school in a beautiful V. On my way home from San Francisco on Sunday, I rode by the high school again, when I saw these same geese fly by me again. They were flying so low to the ground that I felt like I could jump into the V and join them on their path.
Friday, November 03, 2006
So when I move to Vancouver, and if I ever decide to become a citizen, will I no longer be an American? What about Tony Aguerre, the Basque man who I've known since I was a baby (Monique's dad)? He is still seen as Basque, even though he's been here for 40 years. But he's lived here longer than he lived in France! And even in France, he's not considered French, but Basque!
This line of thinking reminds me of the questions about identity that Young brought up one day:
1) how do I see myself? (citizen of the world!)
2) how do others see me? (american citizen?)
3) who am I really? (that's a tough one!)
I'm still working with Jessica on our new dance film about identity, which I hope we're able to finish before the end of the year! Anyway, thought I'd share a photo of her and her beautiful foot.
Thursday, November 02, 2006
I wonder, how can he know that when our relationship is mostly based on e-mails and a monthly 30 minute phone call?
When I was in the bath, I got a phone call from my friend Angie, with the sad news that some friends of ours are getting divorced. Another international couple, but there is no way one can say that the reasons they are splitting up is that he's from France and she's from England.
What it comes down to, of course, is that the couples that stay together do so because they have learned how to communicate with each other and they grow together and they are still working towards the common goal of being together, not to mention working at maintaining the love and romance of what connected the couple in the first place.
After my bath and after cleaning up my room, I prepared some lunch. I lifted the blinds and sat at the table by the window, so I could feel like I was sitting out on the deck in nature, and still look out the window upon the creek and the raindrops falling on the water, and the yellow leaves falling through the air. As I opened the blinds, I saw a snowy white egret land in the creek for an afternoon repose. A new visitor to my backyard nature sanctuary. (I almost forgot to mention that I saw a fox crossing the road last night on my drive home.) I reflected on the concept of wu wei, and how I can apply the concept to the many decisions I have to make in life. The wu wei concept would say that I don't have to make any decisions, that I shouldn't do anything. This concept constantly reminds me that no matter what we do in life, we will eventually land where we are supposed to land, and things like the egret will unexpectedly land in our path, and we should just wait and see what happens next.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monique's website: mythicamasks.com
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
So how can we fool ourselves to think that our own government doesn't operate in this manner? People are drawn to politics often because they desire power and status and control. Not all leaders are benevolent, and if they are, they are usually eliminated. People in power, families who maintain dynasties, want to maintain the status quo. Those who are at the top should remain at the top.
I'm also reading an article in the New Yorker about conspiracy theory. So while watching Rome I'm reminded of some of the unfortunate and mysterious deaths of our day that seem awfully similar to deaths that might have happened in the time of Rome. Cesar could have killed Pompey's son. But political strategy spared his life. But what about Paul Wellstone? John Jr.? Why did their planes mysteriously go down? What about Princess Di? How could these people who are so highly esteemed in our culture and who have body guards and press surrounding them all the time be killed in accidents?
Not to mention the assassinations of the heroes of our generation: JFK, MLK, Lennon...
So call me paranoid, but I'd rather think that I'm not living my life with the wool pulled over my eyes.
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
But then, am I still looking for the same results? It's funny, but now that I can honestly say that I was closer than ever before to living out my fantasy with M.M., I wonder, would realizing the dream kill the beauty of it? Question is, would I really want to have a guy like that in my life? Especially when his feelings for me would pale in comparison to what Alexei has given to me?
For the sake of my one or two readers, I will recount the evening, because it really was sweet, in a very drunken teenager kind of way.
It all started on Saturday evening, I was getting ready for some friends to pick me up and take me to the Red Lion Tavern, when I got a phone call from a mysterious 213 number. I was hoping it would be him, and when I heard his voice on the other end of the line, I was trying to play it cool. He asked when I would be heading over there, and then I suggested he pick me up and we go together. FINALLY! The moment I had always dreamed of for 2 years had finally arrived. He said to meet him outside in 10 minutes and he would be in his BMW. His BMW! I would finally get to be in the passenger seat at night in Silver Lake in HIS CAR!
I went to the curb 5 minutes early so in case he was early we wouldn't miss each other. I saw a rat crawling across a telephone wire. When I got into the car, my diarrhea of the mouth began, but with him, it's never meaningless diarrhea, it's deep conversation. We always jump into the deep and meaningful stuff immediately. That's why I like him so much. We talked about weddings and love and partnership and being ready and really wanting it.
Did I mention how good he looked? His hair was longer than before and he was dressed in all black and, yes, he looked hot. He was the dark knight riding me down Sunset Boulevard on his silver stallion.
We arrived at the Red Lion and my old roomie was already there with some of his Macedonian friends. So already I felt we were in an alternate universe. In a German beer garden, hanging out with Balkans, and I came with M.M. He came with me.
We sat next to each other at the bar before we found a table. I remember really wanting to touch his long black hair. Not just touch it but run my fingers through it.
I can't seem to remember much of the conversation that we had at the table because that's when we started doing shots of jaeger, and if I do that then I must already be 10 sheets to the wind. Or maybe it was peer pressure and the fact that he wanted me to do a shot with him that I agreed to do it.
My old roommate and I kept secretly whispering in each others' ears about M.M. He said, "I really like this guy." I said, "Of course, you do. So do I!" He told me that he thought that if I ever had a chance to be with M.M. that I would forget about Alexei. And I told him that the only way I would forget about Alexei is if M.M. told me that he loved me.
Which will never happen. That's why he's just a fantasy.
But looking at him on the other side of the table among my friends and in my life felt like I was living out the dream. At the end of the night we moved into a booth inside, and we sat next to each other and talked about Espana and Barcelona, where I've never been but he has and called it "Barthelona," lisp and all. At this point, all I wanted was for our lips to meet and stop talking and leave all the Macedonians behind.
So when the bar closed, we went outside to say our goodbyes. My old roommate told me that if I wanted to go to bed with M.M. I should tell him, "I really want to spend the night with you, but if we do, nothing will change." He said that should work. Yeah right, like I really would say that. M.M. poked at my waist and suggested we go. When we walked away, I wanted to hold his hand, because it felt like he was my man that night. But I didn't know how he would respond. So I didn't.
He drove me around the Silver Lake reservoir. The streetlights reflected on the water. I had forgotten how beautiful and calm the reservoir looked at night, and how many times I had dreamed of looking at the lights on the water with him.
We drove by his street and he pointed out to me that's where he lived. Of course, I knew that already because how many countless times had I driven down this street looking for his car and trying to find the number that matched his address when I lived in the neighborhood. But I simply nodded and played along.
Finally, he pulled into the driveway where I was staying at my friend's house. We started saying our goodbyes. It seemed so anticlimactic. I felt compelled to tell him more, but I didn't want to seem pushy or risk being rejected. So here's what I said:
Um, I want to do something else right now, but I don't want to seem inappropriate.
Kristin, I am not understanding you right now.
OK, how do I explain this...
I turned to him and said:
I find you very attractive and there's something else I'd like to do right now, but I don't want to be inappropriate.
He smiled and said:
Oh, you're so sweet!
He kissed my cheek and gave me hug. It was a real hug. Long and strong. But it was only a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
When we finished hugging, I said:
Well then, keep in touch!
I jumped out of the car and didn't look back.
Friday, October 13, 2006
Lately I have been pondering the notion of masculine and feminine because my girlfriends and I have been observing that we often possess more masculine qualities than our male counterparts. And what I mean is what is typically known as qualities that are typically assigned to men and qualities that are typically equated with women. However, I think our society is wrong to call them masculine and feminine, but we are offered no other vocabulary in the English language and American culture in which to describe these qualities. Why is a man who shows emotion called feminine? And why is a feminine man considered weak or even "gay?" And why is a woman who is strong and powerful called masculine, or even worse domineering, or a bitch? What I'm getting at is why is it considered negative in our culture if a man is soft and nurturing, and a woman is hard and decisive?
I prefer the concept of yin yang. It carries no stigma of flip flopped gender roles. Even the symbol of yin yang is more forgiving. It is not a circle divided equally in black and white. It is a circle whose amorphous halves flow into each other and even contain an eyelet of the other within its core. I believe it is much healthier to use the yin yang model with the human species. We all possess soft and hard qualities. We are all black and white. We humans, as a species, are all both opposing sides.
What comes with seeing the human race as yin and yang is that you can't have one without the other. You can't have hard without soft. You can't have nurturing without demanding. You can't be one half of the whole because the other half will fill itself inside those areas where you are lacking. And we all need the balance. White without black seems blank and black without white looks like nothing.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Friday, September 29, 2006
Then I read a story about Clinton and also cracked up over something he said. En route from Berlin to Cape Town on a private jet, after talking and playing cards until 4 a.m., he informed the writer of the article: "We're going to have a *great* time in Africa." Another classic comment was when he arrived at the stadium in Berlin for the World Cup Final: "I'm totally psyched for this!" Clinton sounds like a swell guy to hang out with!
I saw Michel Gondry's latest film "The Science of Sleep." It's an interesting concept, the blurry line between reality and dreams. Sometimes the experiences I have feel like a dream, and sometimes the dreams I have feel so normal that they could be real. It's like the Chuang Tzu story about when he dreamt of being a butterfly, but when he woke up he didn't know if he was really a butterfly dreaming about being a man. Sometimes I feel like I would just like to stay in my dream and never wake up. But for example, when I dreamt that I received a $700 parking ticket, I was really glad to wake up.
Tuesday, September 26, 2006
I wrote F. a goodbye e-mail yesterday. It hurt me to say goodbye, but I know that our relationship was unhealthy. Heavy drinking can be fun at times, but eventually you pay, either short-term with a hangover, or long-term with liver failure, but eventually you pay. We were drunk with infatuation, but now I've sobered up, and I'm not sure he has. I know neither of us wants to say goodbye, we'd love to keep the fun and the fantasy alive, but someone had to put an end to it, and apparently it had to be me.
I read an article in GQ a couple days ago that said breaking up via email was not proper etiquette, but when we met face-to-face, it was totally unsatisfactory and so I had no other choice. Yes, of course I had other choices, like a phone call or a real letter, but I'm done with that, and I wanted to get this over quickly. I tried to give him the face-to-face meeting, but he didn't have the decency to be mentally or emotionally present for me that afternoon, even when what we needed to say to each other should have been soberly and openly expressed.
So I'm on the road to recovery from him. That's the first step, isn't it? Admitting that you are addicted to something that wasn't good for you, and giving it up. And then taking it day by day. So this is my first day of sobriety.
Monday, September 18, 2006
So, while dialing all of my friends I knew who might be available to join me for the concert last night, I got a call from F. It seemed coincidental, because more than any man in San Francisco and in my life right now, he is the one that I would like to spend time with. Yet we can’t spend time together. It’s like we’re grounded from each other for bad behavior. Anyway, his name was the only one in my contacts menu that I wouldn’t call, and somehow he sensed that I was thinking about him. Which brings me to the subject of recovering. I am trying to recover. I am trying to bounce back. I am trying to be open to new guys. The problem is that you click with one and want more with one, and the myriad others that you meet don’t do a thing for you. Spending time with M. felt like Disneyland. There was a magical feeling of discovering and elation when we were together. So it’s hard to forget the way he made me feel. They say the only thing that makes you forget one is to be with another. So how come it’s so hard to find someone that you want to be with?
The show at the Independent last night was incredible. Breakestra was going OFF! And even though I never found anyone to go with me, I still had a great time. There’s something about seeing good live music that really makes you feel good inside. And to top it off, I think I made someone’s night. I picked up my pair of tickets and was about to head inside when I saw a well-dressed woman waiting on the sidewalk holding a flyer. She said to the man standing next to her, “Is this the band that’s playing tonight?” I went up to her and handed her my extra ticket and said, “You’d like to see the show? Here’s a ticket! Happy Birthday!” She thanked me and I went inside.
Later on, the man who was with her approached me in the club and asked if I was the one who gave his wife the ticket and wished her a happy birthday. He offered to buy me a drink and asked if I wanted to join them in the VIP area upstairs. They were very appreciative and friendly. They had left their three children at home with a babysitter and were enjoying their night off. And I didn’t feel like I was dancing alone.
Monday, September 11, 2006
Today is my friend Stephanie’s birthday, and for 31 years of her life, she celebrated her birthday just like any other birthday. Then in 2001, suddenly September 11 became a day of tragedy. And many people forgot that it was actually the joyous day when she was given life. I guess now when the day rolls around I try not to reflect on the terrible the events of this day in 2001, but how lucky I am, how lucky we all are, to be alive, and to be given the gift of life and its endless possibilities. If we are not taking advantage of the possibilities before us, and accepting our choices, and accepting the power we have to make new choices, we are merely sleepwalking through life.
I have of course been riding my bicycle a lot lately. And I love riding, it’s very exhilarating and fun. I saw two deer the other day that had been killed by cars. We joke and call them roadkill, but they were living creatures, and seeing a beautiful fawn lying lifeless on the side of the road made me very sad, because that spotted fawn had a mother, and probably siblings, who mourned the fawn’s death, and the car must have simply driven away into the night with no remorse for taking away the fawn’s possibilities of roaming and grazing the hillsides of Marin.
Since I wrote about what my friend Brendan did over his birthday weekend, I will recount my birthday events.
Phone call with Alexei
Sushi lunch with my mom and Rosy
Received a birthday card from all my new co-workers
Computer crashed so I got to leave work early
Drinks and dinner with Jayson and friends
Dancing with Young, Julie and Sultan
Propositioned via text message
Brunch with Jessica, Chantal, Young, Jayson, Estelle, Sultan, Julia and Noemi
Stephanie’s bridal shower
Marin Bicycle Bash and drinking beers from a keg in a red trailer equipped with DJ
Dinner with my mom
Bike ride to Mill Valley
Walk to Tennessee Valley with Angie
Brunch with Angie
Bike ride back to San Anselmo
Beers with Rosy in Fairfax
Dinner with my dad and Karen
Even though I didn’t paraglide down Grouse Mountain, I still think I took advantage of celebrating life.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEPHANIE!
Thursday, September 07, 2006
[copied directly from the e-mail he sent to me]
Opportunities for partage (say with high-brow french accent) of such
comsically significant proportions rarely materialize so consider this an
gathering that should not be missed. I am coming upon a birthday weekend and
I'm turning it into a marathon of epic party proportions. Beginning on
Thursday September 7th at 7:30 in the morning and spanning 4 solid days of
partage Brendan's Birthday Marathon is gonna be one to remember. Events
include paragliding, chocolat tasting, dancing, fine dining, hiking, video
games, shopping sprees, oysters, satellite reports from parallel
international celebrations taking place all over the globe, you name it. Not
only that, the japanese royal family was kind enough to coordinate the date
of the birth of the future emeperor of japan as the kick-off to the event
weekend and God will give us a fantastic light show (a partial eclipse only
visible from Japan and Australia unfortuneately) on the 7th. The only 2
things that might have made it better is if JT had listened to me and
scheduled his new album release for this weekend and if Brian DePalma hadn't
have been so stubborn as to schedule the Black Dahlia for next Friday (I
could have used the Kirchner factor to get me through this trying
milestone). I'll just have to settle for the new Deicide album "The Stench
of Redemption" which will be the official soundtrack for the BBM. All hail
The itinerary so far (subject to change as better ideas materialize):
Thursday 07 2006
Grouse Grind starting at 10:30 am
Paraglide 12:30 pm
Dandelion and Burdock 3:00 pm
Champagne at the Vancouver hotel 6:30 pm
Dinner on Main 7:30 pm
kyoo-pid'i-te at Blim at 8:30 pm
Blender 10:00 pm
Friday 08 2006
Cinnamon Pancake breakfast on Main 7:30 am
Beach and ocean swim (TIDE WILLING) 11:00 am
Fig and almond protein shakes 3:00 pm
Oyster feast/Guinness 6:30 pm
Sake and japanese tapas 7:30 pm
Six Acres 9:30 pm
Tokyo Lounge at 10:30 pm
Saturday 09 2006
Brunch with parents 10:00 am
Lattes and african chocolat 6:00 pm
Dinner at Nyala 7:00 pm
Shark drawings and desert at desert place beside the Nyala 8:30 pm
Furniture Warehouse at 10:30 pm
Sunday 10 2006
Indoor climbing 10:00 am
Shopping 2:00 pm
$4 martinis and chicken kababs at licorice 7:00 pm
Sanctuary 9:30 pm
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRENDAN!
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
I was talking to my friend Jessica yesterday about a dance film we’d like to create. As a theme, it’s going to be about identity, and the idea is how does your identity change according to external factors in your life. This has been something that I’ve always written about in my journal. I’ve often wrote about “who am I” according to where I was at that point in my life. For example, now I am Kristin, 35 going on 36, single, living with my mother in West Marin, a TV editor by profession, with a lover in Cuba. A year ago, I was living in Los Angeles in my hip and cool Silver Lake apartment. But I was unhappy. Here I feel happier, even though I’ve sacrificed some of my independence. Anyway, the theme of change and changelessness comes into play here as well. As much as we change throughout our lives, there are things that never change. People may always see me as the same spirited, high-energy, some may say crazy, gutsy girl. But M. says he remembers me from high school more as a shy and quiet girl. That was before he really knew me! Or that was before I really knew myself! I digress. The point is that external influences cause us to exhibit some characteristics above others at any given time and place. But who we are as a person, as a human being, no matter what the context, will always be the same. No one and nothing can change that. So we’re going to try to show this through dance and film, movement and moving picture, by repeating a phrase of choreography in several settings with different costumes and perhaps different music, and also allowing for the setting to inspire improvisation. I think it’s a very interesting concept, and I’m excited to embark on this creative endeavor.
Monday, September 04, 2006
Once I met a man in front of Albertson’s who was trying to get people to sign various petitions. I stopped to chat with him for a few minutes. I don’t know how he knew that I needed to hear a little bit of his dime-store philosophy, but I’ll never forget what he told me that day. He said that I needed to talk to the universe—that I should go out on my porch at night and look up into the sky and tell the universe what I want, and the universe would listen and respond. Have I started to do this? Not yet. But when I have such a natural altar as my mom’s deck under my feet, I would be doing a disservice to myself and to the universe if I didn’t take advantage of it by beginning a regular dialogue out here.
When I awoke this morning from my dream, the first word out of my mouth was “F***!” Exclamation point! I’m really trying to shake F., but I am obviously not over him yet. However, the dream tells me that subconsciously I’m ready to move on. In my dream, I was at his house. I had apparently been staying at his place for a few days, but I was leaving for a trip somewhere, and was in the middle of packing my bags. I was in a hurry, and asked him to call me a cab. I was frantically getting my things in order. He came back and said the cab was on its way. He came close and then touched my waist and kissed me. I can’t deny that I enjoyed it but, even in my dream, I knew it wasn’t right. I told him so, and told him to stop. And he did. Then the cab arrived, I said goodbye and thank you and I left.
The crickets are chirping.
Saturday, September 02, 2006
I also want to write about sex and affection. I love experimenting physically with men. I love the way two sets of lips unite in one kiss, and the playful experimentation of that initial union. You never know how you'll react to a person until you kiss him, or until you have to say goodbye as well. I guess what I want to say about sex and affection is this: both are fun and enjoyable activities, but both don't even hold a candle to true love, especially when you're trying to hold on to the faithful idealism that true love exists.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Back from my bike ride. Wildlife report: saw 1 lizard, 1 snake, lots of butterflies, a flock of quail, two flattened racoons, and a palomino horse.